My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
