Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm having to shit out rocks
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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