It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I fill condoms, not promises.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
