I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
