HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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