you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
