It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
