I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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