i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
