have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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