Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
