dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
