I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
