Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
