ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
