I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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