One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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