Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
