Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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