Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
