i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
50% drunk capacity currently
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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