new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
