Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
