I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
