are you still at the devil's house?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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