Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
