I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
