the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
