I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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