i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
