I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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