Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Do vagina's smell?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
