I swear she didn't look like that last week.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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