You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
