im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Pants are for mortals
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
