I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
