Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
