just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
