If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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