i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
