Moan for me like Helen Keller
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
