addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
