Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
