I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
