how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm at about main and main street
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
