My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Boobs speak an international language.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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