I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
