I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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