I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
