I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
