I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
