I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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