No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
