Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
